24th March, Monday
25th March, Tuesday: Had a good presentation.
26th March, Wednesday: Woke up after noon. Had a pretty good Wednesday afternoon. Wondered about some things. Watched I Am Sam and went through nearly 30 tissues.

I've been pretty ill these few days, so didn't really do much besides sleep, mope around the house and feel sorry for myself.

20th March, Thursday: Got my soya bean ice cream! And also got free medical treatment thanks to my insurance.
21st March, Friday: Bumped into J and finally bought a decent formal skirt.
22nd March, Saturday: Slept a good 12 hours, and then some more in the afternoon.
23rd March, Sunday: Can't really think of anything that happened, shall place more photos from 10th March instead. We had a nice view of the Masjid Sultan.

Let you know.

When time is running out,
when you know you stand a chance,
however small.

You want to shout it out,
paint it in bold letters on walls,
write it down in a little card and hand it to him.

The willingness to cast everything aside to let him to know,
to make it happen.

It surprises you.


Note to reader: I am not a poet nor is this meant to be some kind of poetry. This is just a way of expressing my thoughts right now, disjointed as they are. Am lacking the time, energy and coherence to craft them into proper, eloquent prose. I repeat, this not some attempt at poetry. If it was, it would be a really bad one.

I wish you'd let me know, even if it only lasts a while

Now that it's been decided that I am going after all,
it feels too much like leaving.
And I realise how badly I want and need you to tell me:
stay.



15th March, Saturday: Honestly, nothing much happened.
16th March, Sunday: Let my parents know about the news with UCL. They agreed.
17th March, Monday: Got my green tea McFlurry!
18th March, Tuesday: Two more Tuesdays left. I hope they will be better than this one was.
19th March, Wednesday: Slept in. Spent a cosy afternoon on the armchair swaddled in my thick blanket as I alternated between doing work and watching YouTube videos on air disasters. Somewhat like the old days in secondary school and junior college.

But dreams come slow, and they go so fast.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low,
Only hate the road when you're missing home.

Barring any unlikely and extreme changes with family and finance, the decision on whether to leave for London or remain here lies entirely with me. Except for the fact that I've spent close to two decades here, I see no reason not to move.

Of course, there is the statistically-not-improbable possibility that I will end up hating living in the UK/Europe long-term. Maybe I will come to hate the cold weather and the food, and end up dreaming of rice, noodles, humidity and the sun while shivering in bed after eating stale bread for dinner.

Only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.

No doubt that if I leave, I will wonder what could have happened with certain people here. For the most part I know I will be relieved though.

But dreams come slow, and they go so fast.

Note to reader: Quotes are from the song "Let Her Go" by Passenger, go check it out!

On Wednesday I saw an old man pushing a cleaning trolley just outside Raffles City. He seemed to be struggling and paused often. As he proceeded the pauses became more frequent, sometimes as often as every four or five steps. The floor was slightly sloped which might have been the reason for his struggle. I followed him for a bit. Thought of helping him, then decided to proceed with my life as usual. Comforted myself with the thought that I am not a horrible person, because everyone else was doing the same. I knew, even as I turned away, that it was a horrible thought.

10 March, Monday: Went for a drink and got buzzed to just the right amount, and was still able to wake up on time the next day! Also did a bit of nighttime reading before going to bed, a habit I'm trying to cultivate instead of just staring at my laptop/phone.
11 March, Tuesday: I love how M tells me some things that I think he is rather uncomfortable telling other people about. And though I doubt anything will happen, I know I will miss our Tuesday classes when the semester ends.
12 March, Wednesday: Funny video calls.
13 March, Thursday: Had a good afternoon with last semester's classmates. Received an unconditional offer from UCL. Excited about it but not sure if I will take it up just yet, we shall see.
14 March, Friday: Exhausting day. Glad I made it through. Watched the rest of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Also, I really like/appreciate it when guys offer to carry things for you, especially when I truly do need the help.

On a side note, the days have been flying past and my second semester is ending in less than a month now, or only 2-3 weeks if you consider revision week. If I do indeed leave for UK, I will miss the time spent this semester.

6th to 9th March

6th March: Finished my assignment, even though it probably definitely was a bad job.
7th March: Bummed around instead of studying. Glad I still know how to procrastinate despite the relentless positive peer pressure to study.
8th March: Thought I did pretty decently in the mid-term. It was probably the first mid-term where I actually knew what to write. Later took bus 103 all the way into Seletar. It's been the first time I've done that for a while because I was so afraid of the place changing terribly. Yes, it has changed. It is no longer as desolate and quiet as I remember it to be. Plan to take another trip and walk around on foot a bit to see if there are still areas that are calm and abandoned. Completed the series of House and watched Moonrise Kingdom.
9th March: The calming croaking of frogs outside my window has been going on for the past few hours since nightfall.

I'm going to put this out here only so that I will actually do it - Planning to take some shots and submit them to agencies. Hopefully I'll get a Plan B to what I'm currently studying.

2nd - 5th March

2nd March: If I remember correctly, one of my most productive days ever.
3rd March: Got praised for my scriptwriting, which made me wonder about my choice of study. Planning to be more serious about writing.
4th March: A good Tuesday, ate Subway with M. Talked more.
5th March: Received the grade for an assignment. Got a B, probably the first time that my grades have been about the same as my peers (it is usually lower).

Golden point

I love writing. It makes me feel content. This is my medium, something I am comfortable with; something in which I can explore, yet still be safe. There is an indescribable satisfaction in churning out sentences of beautifully-crafted words. The best is when you read what you have written and feel a sense of pride welling up within you.

There is no shame in writing. No one will see what you have written until you are ready, and you need not ever show anyone what you have written if that is not your intention. If you are shy, writing is a way of expressing yourself, expressing and later remembering your feelings without exposing yourself to others. With writing, there are no awkward pauses, no stutters, no clumsily-phrased words and no blushing - unless you write them in. The nerve-wrecking tension of real human interaction is blissfully avoided in writing.

And of course, if you later find that you do not like what you have wrote, you can burn them, tear them, throw them away.

Or in this case, delete the post.

27th Feb: Received my order from ASOS! Everything suits me well and I might even do a post on it if I happen to be free.
28th Feb: Stayed home most of the day, had a few drinks at dinner.
1 March: Stayed home again. Honestly, not much happened though. Glad I managed to catch an episode of House?

I have a ton of work to complete by Monday but I'm kind of looking forward to school starting again. Hope that if I'm friendly others will be, too.