24-27 January 2013

24th Jan: Had a good lunch with an acquaintance-friend , something which is a bit of an accomplishment given that I tend to become overly nervous in such situations. Later took the LNAT which I think I did reasonably okay in. Hoping to better my score! And the waiter at Coffee Bean was really friendly. In the evening I watched the movie Never Let Me Go, it was wonderful. This leads to...
25th Jan: Spent the rest of my Saturday feeling rather emotionally drained after crying so much. (this is a good feeling)
26th Jan: My dad's birthday!
27th Jan: Met up with someone I haven't seen in a while and had a long, walk. Also I bumped into my old tutor on the train.

Back home now and feeling strangely contended. The days have been passing fast and I will probably have to make some big decisions pretty soon.

catching up

I've skipped quite a few days for the 365 day challenge, but for the 23rd of January I was glad to have an hour where I could just stand in a spot in the city centre and people watch/collect my thoughts, thanks to the low battery on my phone. I was waiting for someone, but it sure felt pretty peaceful.

22nd January: I was glad to meet a friend from college by coincidence. Hadn't seen her for close to a year, if not longer.
21st January: I was glad that I took the step to get in touch with someone before they drifted too far away.
20th January: Glad to find someone selling what I wanted at a low price!
19th January: It was a good day working hard at the dog shelter.
18th January: ?
17th January: ?

Submitted UCAS

Just submitted my UCAS application for the second time, barely an hour before the deadline. I am exhausted. I have chipped nail polish to be taken off and a ton of readings to be done before noon tomorrow. But all is good. Now I shall wait for offers and rejections to roll in, before deciding what to do.

For the 15th/16th of January: I am glad that I convinced myself to go through with the UCAS application in the end, regardless of the fact that I probably could have drafted a better personal statement had I not given myself such little time to prepare, and that I do not even yet know if I will really end up going overseas.

And now, time for bed.

2014

For every day of 2014, I will write down something good that happened to me that day or one thing that I am grateful for. Then when the year ends, I can look back and realise that life is great if you let it be.

My new year resolution for 2014 is to be a better person, whatever that may mean.

... And also to read more books. Planning to go to the library tomorrow!
      

Probably one of the best things I could have seen on 1 Jan.

I guess I notice some things differently from how others do
such as how the seaweed chicken from different stalls around school are skewered differently.




It makes me feel lonely sometimes.

resurface.

I can't help but fear that my surprisingly good results are a curse. Everywhere I look, I seem to find things I will not get to do now that I have enrolled locally and not in the UK. I will not get to watch Sherlock Season 3 in UK, I will not be able to use the cowl I've knitted, take short breaks to other cities, visit museums, visit places of historical literary interest, feed ducks by the river, meet hedgehogs, attend lectures for other courses such as English and Philosophy, feel like a stranger, disappear in the crowd and grow as a person..... Among other things.

And I'm afraid that this fear will haunt me throughout the next four years of local education as I constantly wonder it would be like to be somewhere else. Is it possible to be so absorbed in being somewhere else that I lose my presence here?

I need to start to be myself
'Cause I'm sick of everybody else

A photo from a trip I took to the aquarium a few days before I stopped working, maybe a month ago. School has started and meeting young people from the same age group as me after a good 10 months has been an exciting and nerve-wrecking experience. It seems that my awkwardness is truly part of me, and I need to come to terms with it rather than allowing it to hinder me.

By the way, I am more awkward than you.